September 13, 2021
September 13, 2021
Every parent has lived through the dreaded tantrum or two – it’s something you expect from your toddler. But when children reach school age and still experience regular outbursts of emotion and meltdowns, it’s a sign they may be struggling with their emotional self-regulation.
Self-regulation is a very important skill for children to learn for a variety of reasons. If your child hasn’t developed their emotional self-regulation skills to the point they should have based on their age, then it’s important for you to help them control their inappropriate or impulsive behavior by helping them to fine-tune these skills. Read on to discover the best ways to help a child learn emotional self-regulation.
What Is Emotional Self-Regulation?
Emotional self-regulation is a fairly simple concept: it is the ability to manage behavior and emotions. When someone can regulate their emotions appropriately, they can resist a highly emotional reaction to an event or a situation and calm themselves when they get upset. It also includes the ability to adjust expectations accordingly and handle frustrations without an emotional outburst. Basically, the ability to understand your own behavior and manage it is self-regulation – and it takes a certain level of awareness.
When children have the skill to self-regulate their emotions, as they get older, they can direct their behavior towards the achievement of goals despite how they may feel and despite how unpredictable life can be. They’ll be more likely to get along well with others, focus on tasks, and calm themselves in stressful situations. It’s a crucial skill for any person to have and ultimately makes them happier and healthier.
What Is Emotional Regulation in Child Development?
One of the biggest areas parents may be unsure of is why it’s important for a child to learn to self-regulate their emotions, as well as how it is supposed to develop.
First, as your child gets older, self-regulation helps them to:
So, how and when does this emotional self-regulation develop? Children learn emotional self-regulation through relationships with others, especially their parents. They also observe the other people around them to see how they respond to situations.
These skills are developing from the time children are just babies. You can see small children looking away from caregivers when they need a break, or toddlers waiting patiently (no matter how short!) for snacks and their turn to play with toys.
As children get older and head into preschool and grade school, more advanced emotional self-regulation skills develop because they start to understand how they are expected to act in certain situations. A preschooler may whisper to you when at the movies, and your school-age child may be able to have a disagreement without starting a fight. That’s emotional self-regulation!
Preteens and teens also have more advanced emotional self-regulation skills, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. They can plan, stick with tasks that may be difficult, and act in socially appropriate ways – all while thinking about how their actions can impact those around them.
Children who feel things more intensely or strongly may find it harder to emotionally self-regulate, while easygoing kids may have a much easier time. Consider the kind of child you have and make sure to adjust your expectations accordingly (which is part of your own learned skillset for emotional self-regulation).
List of Self-Regulation Strategies
Now for the big question: How do you teach a child to self-regulate their emotions? It’s not as difficult as you may fear. A few simple ways you can help your child include:
Emotional self-regulation is something you may always have to work at with your child, no matter their age. But acknowledging where your child is at and helping them to work towards better self-regulation is always going to be worth it. And who knows – you may find out some things about yourself and your own emotional self-regulation along the way!
Featured image by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash