June 20, 2022
June 20, 2022
Some children flourish in social situations; other kids, not so much. And while it’s perfectly normal for some kids to struggle socially, as a parent, you want to help them do the best they can – and make friends in the process.
Parents often ask themselves a litany of questions when they have children who struggle to make friends… How can I help my child who is struggling socially? Why is it hard for my child to make friends? How can I help my child socialize in school? These are all great questions, and good news: they have evidence-based answers. Read on to learn how to help your child if they’re struggling to make friends at school.
Why Do Some Kids Struggle to Make Friends?
You may be under the impression that every child is a social butterfly and that it’s easy for all kids to make friends. The truth is that every person, young or old, can struggle when it comes to making friends.
One of the biggest reasons some kids have trouble is that they’re shy or struggle with anxiety in social situations. This can lead to problems comfortably engaging with other kids and can ultimately cause them to hang back and distance themselves.
Another big reason is a lack of interpersonal skills that can make peers exclude them. Perhaps your child has issues properly reading social cues, is too aggressive, or shows little interest in others. All of these things can make it difficult to connect with other kids and forge friendships.
Study Your Child
Before you can understand how to help your child make friends, you have to understand why they’re struggling in that department. Be a fly on the wall and observe them during their activities to see how they interact with other kids. Are they different from the way they are at home? How? Do they struggle to start a conversation? Do they keep to themselves in social situations?
The behaviors you see can guide you to understand what skills your child may need to develop to be more successful in making friends.
Model Social Behavior
Your child learns from you. So, if you want to know how to help your child make friends at school, one of the best ways is to show them how it’s done!
Strike up conversations when you’re out with your kids. This can be with neighbors, friends, or even just the person at the grocery store checkout. These scenarios become opportunities for your child to learn and even join you in the socialization!
Role Play
Most kids like to play pretend, and since they’re comfortable with you at home, it’s a good opportunity to role play in order to show them how to interact with other kids. When you’re eating, for example, practice how to start up conversations with others. Discuss topics your child finds interesting and try out different things until you hit on something they can freely and comfortably discuss. This may help them to feel more confident when they are put in social situations on their own.
Give Them a Push
For younger children, you can help them to get the ball rolling socially by scheduling play dates with other kids. For older children, have them invite kids over for pizza or to meet up at the local skating rink. Remember, the goal is to help your children feel comfortable and to make socializing an experience that is positive for them. If you can help get them started, they may be able to take over and build up their social confidence on their own.
Give Them Praise
You want your kids to try new things – from new books to broccoli to talking to other kids! So, make it exciting for them. For every small step your child makes with their socialization skills, be sure to praise them. This will help to reinforce the effort they’re making. Tell them how proud you are, but also allow them to go at their own pace.
Don’t Ignore the Issue
You won’t help to solve any issue that your child is having by avoiding the problem and assuming they’ll grow out of it. Your child won’t learn how to improve their social skills if you ignore the fact that they’re finding it difficult, so be sure to gently encourage your child to address their struggles. Gradually help to push them out of their comfort zone by putting them in new situations, but don’t leave them to navigate these situations without support. Ease them into it and let them know you are there to help.
Don’t Compare Them
You might have one child who is a social butterfly and another who is not. Or maybe you’ve never really struggled to make friends yourself. Either way, don’t compare your child to others if they’re struggling socially. Introverted children are common, and just because they are different doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with them. Your normal may not be their normal. As long as they are trying and are happy, there’s nothing to be too concerned about.
Social situations can be intimidating to many people. As your child is figuring things out, help to gently guide them so they don’t fear socializing, but also allow them to be who they are. It’s a delicate dance, but you know your child better than anyone, so it’s one you can navigate together.
Featured image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash