March 10, 2022

March 10, 2022

How To Handle Not Knowing The Answer To Your Child's Question

Every parent has been there: your child asks you a seemingly simple question (or maybe a rather complicated one) and you just have no clue what the answer is.

Parents want children to look up to them, and part of that is seeming to have all the answers to things they want to know. The truth is that there are a lot of hard questions for parents to answer, and as kids grow, so do the complexity of their questions. So, how do you answer a tough kid question? Read on to find out more about how to handle not knowing the answer to your child’s question and using the experience to actually help build up their confidence.

Why the “why?”
You’ve heard it a million times as a parent – the dreaded “why” question. So how should parents handle all the of the why questions asked by children? The short answer is: very carefully! The long answer has a bit more depth to it.

Children are curious by nature. At some point they start to ask questions, then never seem to stop! It’s challenging for sure, but it’s important to keep in mind that the why stage is an important developmental one. Your child’s ability to ask questions, even silly ones, shows how far they are developing cognitively. They want an explanation for the things they’re seeing around them and want to know why things happen or how they work. While they may be driving you bonkers, all of these why questions are a good thing.

Common types of “why” questions
Before you can understand how to address a child’s why questions, it’s very helpful to understand the different types of why questions they may be asking. Yes, they may all seem the same to you, but in reality, researchers have found that there are three common types of questions asked by kids. They are:

  • Cognitive – This is the why question that comes from curiosity. Kids ask these types of questions in order to get new information. These types of questions will help to give them a better understanding of the world as they work to expand their knowledge.
  • Social – Social questions help meet the interpersonal needs of a child. They ask these kinds of questions with the purpose of starting a conversation, which may be why some of the social types of why questions seem self-explanatory. Kids are simply socializing with you and want your attention.
  • Operational – These are the types of why questions that a child asks to support their operational needs. They are often questions that seek permission or help.

Of course, there is another category that some why questions can fit into depending on the child: the mischievous why question. You know this one – your child is asking just to express their feelings, possibly a little irritation or anger. It’s kind of like a protest question, and it’s usually pretty obvious when they’re using this tactic!

What if I don’t know the answer to my child’s questions?
There are several ways you can respond to your child when they’re asking questions, but one you may be especially interested in is what to do if you don’t know the answer.

In this scenario, it’s actually good to show your kids that you don’t know everything. The important thing is to work on finding the answer to the questions. If you can instill the idea in them that saying “I don’t know” is OK, and work out how to go about finding the answer, you can help to improve their self-esteem in the process. It’s a win/win situation!

A few suggestions to help when you don’t know the answer to your child’s question include:

  • Seek the answer together – The questions that are tough to answer are a great opportunity to sit down and engage with your child. Listen to what they’re thinking and then filter down the question to smaller parts. Once you’ve done this, attempt to find the answer together for the question or questions. This is a great way to improve communication and foster your child’s learning by showing them how to answer their own questions.
  • Don’t say “Because I said so” – Don’t be dismissive of your child. If you reply with a straight “No” or say “Because I said so,” it’ll often discourage your child from asking questions at all, which can be detrimental. You want to encourage your child to ask questions about anything they don’t understand or are curious about.
  • Have them answer the question – Turn it around and ask your child what they think the right answer to a question is. This can help to encourage them to think on their own and be confident with the answers they give.

Teaching your child that it’s OK not to always have the answer is a good thing. After all, no one has the answer to everything, and everyone asks questions. Being curious about the world around you is a good thing. If you can model how to approach a question you don’t know the answer to by attempting to find out or helping your child figure it out themselves, it’ll make a big difference in how they approach the world – hopefully with more confidence!

Featured image by Annie Spratt on Unsplash